there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize