I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
