Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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