I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love you. Go after that dick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
