Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
third nipple confirmed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
