loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
