hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
