chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
