Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
