I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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