i may or may not be watching the land before time
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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