Buhtt sex?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
