We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
