I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
