This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize