just come out here and I will go home with you...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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