giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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