Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
