Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
