First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
