So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
