He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
