In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
