just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
