Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
