Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
