Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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