i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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