I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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