i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
