I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
