Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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