so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize