i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
