Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
did i walk over a car last night?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
