I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
