I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
