dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
cat food counts as protein by the way
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
