on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
