and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
