I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
