I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
