dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
