He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
