he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
