I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
