You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
