shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
