Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
