im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize