you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
