some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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