you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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