his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
