were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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