some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pants are for mortals
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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