well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
