I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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