I must be too annoying 4 u.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
