So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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