Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize