No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
