Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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