Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
