hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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