Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
