Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
