cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
