mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the liver wants what the liver wants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize