he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
