Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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