3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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