she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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