I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
