Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
