My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
