Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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