I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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