May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
