it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
