a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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