I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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