Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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