I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
