apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i will never coherently bang her
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
