Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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