I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize