i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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