When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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