My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize