He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
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