My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
