Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
