It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
