Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
