i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
