Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
