i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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