i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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