I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
