i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
