my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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