Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
