Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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